Conflict is part of life, and it is perhaps close to inevitable in the workplace. As you and your coworkers work toward developing new ideas and improving and marketing your products and services, clashes in personality, philosophy, and intent are not just expected, but almost inescapable.
The good news is that conflict does not have to be a negative experience - if dealt with correctly, conflict can be a springboard for sharing ideas, developing strategies, and working together successfully as a team. However, if those involved do not know how to respond effectively to conflict, more problems will be created instead of solved.
The first step in responding effectively to conflict is to be aware of yourself, your motives, and your emotions. Everyone wants their ideas to be heard, considered, and valued, and if our thoughts and feelings aren't acknowledged and appreciated, we often become hurt and angry.
These unconstructive emotions can lead to a downward spiral of disrespect, hurt feelings, and harmful statements and certainly doesn't resolve problems or move projects forward. Don't become motivated by fear of rejection or by revenge or insecurity - these incentives will often lead to over-competitiveness, personal attacks or dishonesty.
By becoming aware of your sensitive reactions, you can transform an emotional dispute into a process of productive information exchange.
Understand that the empowerment that you might feel when belittling another's arguments is false - you will only get authentic empowerment by working with others and finding a functional solution for your company's issue.
The second step in responding effectively to conflict is to be aware of others and what they are trying to convey to you. Other people are just like you - they only want their thoughts to be heard and considered, not shrugged away or ignored.
Even though you might feel confident that you are "right," it is imperative that you stop and listen to the other person and gain a solid understanding of their points and ideas. Over-believing your own stances can be extremely detrimental to working in a group and in coming up with the optimal solutions for your business.
In general, focus on communication instead of on winning the argument or making yourself look or feel good. Take responsibility and have your ideas clearly understood and clearly understand others' ideas.
Don't fall prey to personal ambitions or fears: you will serve your goals best by staying professional and concentrating on resolving the issue at hand.
The third step in successfully avoiding conflict is to leave your assumptions at the door. Assumptions are a major cause of misunderstandings, and misunderstandings are at the heart of the majority of conflicts.
Many people will assume that those around them hold the same value system that they do; that they share the same amount of knowledge or information that you do; or that everyone shares the same intentions or motivations.
When entering into a discussion that could devolve into a conflict, instead of assuming anything, treat the interaction as if you do not have a complete understanding of the situation.
Ask questions and build your knowledge. Gather information. Treat your conversation as a learning experience. Even if you think that you know the truth of the situation and the solution for the problem, consider that there are other truths that exist and that there could be alternative solutions.
Assumptions will not only hinder communication, they can also alienate you (and your ideas) from others.
Depending on the situation, you may need to choose one of five specific conflict management styles: competing, accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, and compromising. While a collaborative style is the most ideal style, there are sometimes reasons for a different approach.
For example, if you need some of your interests met, but not all of them, a compromising style might be the most valid choice. An avoiding style might be optimal when dealing with a very negative conflict that you do not want to involve yourself with.
An accommodating style might be best if you are looking out for someone else's interests, while a competing style might be best if you absolutely require your needs to be met.
Once you have established a healthy line of communication between the parties, you can start to exchange information in a productive manner. Establish what the issue is first, followed by what your goals and motives are.
After you have a solid foundation of information and mutual understanding, you can move on to possible resolutions as a unified group. Although not everyone will agree on everything, you can at least be assured that each person and opinion involved is clearly understood, respected, and valued.
It is also important to note that conflict should not be avoided, however unpleasant it may seem. Avoiding conflicts means avoiding problems and allowing them to fester and grow, while facing problems with an open mind and the right attitude can solve them.
Although negative conflict - in which dishonesty, miscommunication, and assumption thrive - won't help anyone, a positive conversation in which ideas and information is exchanged and in which everyone can come to an understanding if not a solution, will always encourage future positive interactions.
Also, be sure to learn from past conflicts. Reflect upon how the conflict arose and how you could have handled the situation more effectively. Could you have listened more closely to the other person's ideas instead of being determined to have everything your way?
Could you have explored the situation together instead of making assumptions or pointing fingers? Could you have been more patient?
In the end, it is most important not to think of a conflict as a dispute in which one side "wins" and the other side "loses." Especially in workplace conflicts, a situation where one side feels shamed and ignored in the end will only lead to more conflicts in the future.
If some are made to feel unappreciated, disrespected, or unvalued, they will incite more conflicts based on gaining personal empowerment and dispelling their fears instead of on making your company a better place. These negative conflicts will be based on personal feelings, anger, and ostracism instead of on brainstorming and idea exchange.
Although no one likes taking part in a conflict, they can prove to be learning experiences for everyone. If each party enters the conversation aware of both themselves and of others, positive conflicts can lead to a useful exchange of information and ideas as well as a window into how others feel and think about the world.
If you view a conflict as an opportunity instead of a personal confrontation, you will find yourself gaining important insights instead of making enemies.